Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault and Harassment
I didn’t realize that I had a voice as a woman athlete overnight.
It took me years of dealing with and processing events that I wouldn’t wish on any other athlete to realize that as a woman athlete, working with predominantly male staff, my “no” is valid. I deserve the same respect as my male counterparts.
I’m 24 years old now and however difficult my story still is to talk about, if it helps even one woman athlete feel empowered to speak up for herself or feel less alone, then I would share it a thousand times over.
“The people you work with are there to support your career, so you get to call the shots.”
Chasing My Dreams In Europe
I first moved over to Europe to race on a professional women's cycling team straight after graduating from high school at 18. I was so excited and grateful to have been given the opportunity to see what I could do in the hub of the world’s cycling scene. To begin with, the notion that I needed to be grateful to have earned that spot on that team is ridiculous. I put in the hours, days, years of hard work to be there, like so many other athletes do. These accomplishments aren’t given, they’re achieved. In feeling like I needed to be grateful for the opportunity, I was taking away from what I had achieved.
That mentality definitely impacted how I dealt with the following events.
To cut to the chase, I was sexually assaulted and harassed by one of the team's male masseuses. For me at that time, even just telling the team manager and director what had happened was a struggle. I didn’t want to be seen as ungrateful for the opportunity to race or a nuisance to the team. My mind would race with thoughts that it must have somehow been my own fault that it happened or that if I wanted to make it as a woman cyclist in Europe, this is the kind of behavior I would have to put up with.
I know I’m not unique in having those fears after something like that has happened, but they were powerful enough fears to keep me quiet and force me to try and just push them under the rug.
What Do I Do Now?
When I did tell the team staff what happened, they didn’t believe me. They attributed it to “a language barrier” even though he is French and I speak fluent French. It wasn’t until multiple older athletes had complained about this masseuse that he was fired from the team.
For years, I didn’t take further action against the masseuse.
I started noticing that behaviors and actions by other men around me that once seemed like overly friendly gestures, now really bothered me, to the point of meltdowns. Men I worked with giving me big hugs and kisses on the cheek, commenting on my body, calling me “princess” or some other nickname given to women with a negative connotation all started to disgust me. Around this time as well I started to hear about more and more women of all ages dealing with sexual assault and harassment in their sport.
I had a bit of a lightbulb moment: just because there are still way more men competing and on staff in sports, many of which have years of wealth and knowledge to share, that in no way gives them any right to take advantage of the women they work with. For a while, I was too wrapped up in not wanting to offend anyone or hurt someone's feelings. In my mind that seemed worse than the harassment and assault I was putting up with.
Recognizing this changed me as an athlete.
“These accomplishments aren’t given, they’re achieved.”
Taking Control Of My Career
I shared my story publicly and filed a case against that masseuse. Through that, I was still hit with comments like,“why would you do this to your career?” If a career of putting up with being treated like that is what’s in store, then I don’t want it. And it’s not just me. This behavior is found to affect women across all different sports and workplaces, so what else is there to do besides speak up?
I didn’t sacrifice my career, I took control of my career.
I realized that to many extents, I can have a say in the people I surround myself with and when given the opportunity, I can seek out women professionals and people I trust.
Embracing the mindset that the people you work with are there to support your career so you get to call the shots, is a very powerful mindset shift to have. You can still be a nice person to these people you work with and shake their hands instead of hugging, ask them not to work on certain body parts, and be vocal about your boundaries.
Other strategies I adopted were to educate myself on the signs and symptoms of sexual assault and harassment and to have others present who are aware of the situation if talks about boundaries need to be had. It was also important to educate myself on the SafeSport options that I can pursue in case something were to happen. SafeSport is a program that national federations and sport federations have in place to foster abuse free sport. A quick Google will show you the SafeSport resources available for your own sport/country, but they all educate on what’s classified as abuse and sexual assault or harassment within sport as well as the right channels to follow if you’d like to report something or seek help.
Want to Discuss My Journey and My Story Together?
Join me for a Free VIS Session at VOICEINSPORT on Sunday, December 17th at 2pm PST and sign up here.
You are not alone.
